Hot House Momma

August 01, 2006

top ten signs your pilot is drunk

This list from the DL show gave me some good laughs. I will never forget. It was about 5 years ago I was flying to Las Vegas for work. Well,not that kind of work. I did have business there, a respectable job.

Anyway, I was sitting in the middle of the plane. I could have sat in first class if I really wanted to but you know I didn't want to. Because you know-why? I don't even think they have first class on Southwest. Anyway I was close enough to the back of the plane to know that something was going on. The flight attendants were scurrying about. You could hear whispering and the words " call the captain." Apparently an elderly women, who may not have all the birds flying in the right nest. Cruised on over to the bathroom and lit up a smoke. It wasn't long before the flight crew noticed there was a smell of smoke. I mean if you gotta smoke, light em up if you have em? Well not really.

First they were trying to figure out what the old gal had done with the butt of the cigg, that she apparently "wasn't smoking." She never did admit that she smoked in the bathroom. We landed without incident. The Southwest staff was kind enough to provide the old gal with an escort right from her seat off the plane. I'm not sure if they ended up charging her, but I guess you don't smoke on a plane.

Anyway here is the top ten signs your pilot is drunk. Has nothing to do with smoking, but reminded me of the story just the same. My personal favorites are 3 & 8.
drum roll, please......................

10. Introduces himself as "Captain Morgan"

9. You open overhead luggage compartment and find him taking a nap

8. Giggles anytime someone says, "cockpit"

7. Your flight from New York to Chicago takes 16 hours on the interstate

6. He agrees to go hunting with Dick Cheney

5. Announces plane will be circling until he's sober enough to land

4. When you hit turbulence, he screams, "Damn! Spilled Kahlua on my pants!"

3. Asks passengers to look out window for the fuzz

2. Keeps turning on the intercom and yelling: "Wheeeee!"

1. He's flying the airplane with Britney Spears' baby on his lap

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